Saying thank you

 There's a radio programme on R4 where people have an opportunity to thank someone for something they didnt get a chance to at the time.  People who have had missing items returned,  flat tyres changed in the rain, medical assistance in an emergency = all sorts of everyday kindnesses and heroic actions for which people never had the time or opportunity to say thanks.  And on the radio they do.  Its heartening to hear stories of the kindness of strangers.  A Thank You goes a long way.

The reason Im thinking about this today is that I was recently thanked for something I did over ten years ago.  And at the time I wasnt really sure Id done the right thing.  A lifelong friend was suffering from severe mental health difficulties following the breakdown of his marriage (due to his wife's affair). He was very very angry (understandable), deeply sad and also in a stressful and responsible job.  At points I believed he was suicidal but he was very resistant to getting help.  The more I suggested that he needed help the more angry he got with me. It was all super emotional and difficult and sad and I found the conversations we had over many months exhausting and depressing.  There was a distinct possibility that he would do something drastic.  I have never prayed so hard for anyone in my life. 

Eventually, miraculously, he met someone new. She showed him who he was and reminded him that he was worth loving.  I was happy and relieved for him.  He disappeared off into a new marriage and we pretty much lost touch.  Until a few weeks ago when we bumped into each other and he told me how his suicidal thoughts were now so distant they were like a shadow, a ghost.  And he thanked me for helping him to survive those days.

Those words of thanks did something almost physical in my body.  I felt quite odd for a moment.  Reflecting later I realise that some part of me had never been quite sure if my conversations and prayers at the time had been an unwelcome interference - if in fact Id just been making things worse.  

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